Porkalicious Pork Broils

Delicious little piggies.

As a blossoming frau who grew up under the umbrella of her mother’s pork allergy, I am mildly obsessed with the stuff since moving into my own house. My first experiment was pork cutlets topped with corn stuffing; an interesting slop that Herr Handsome attempted to sneakily shovel to the side of his plate so he could get to the good stuff. Beneath said slop was a shockingly moist, perfectly cooked, porkalicious cut of meat that Herr Handsome frankly would not shut up about. Gasp! Was I a born master of this Other White Meat?

Suspecting such was the case, I attempted the same cooking technique, this time using pork broils wrapped with a strip of bacon and seasoned with a glorious red-brown…something.

Must admit:

*Did not wrap pork broils in bacon with my own little housefrau hands.

*Did not season pork broils with them, either.

*Bought pre-prepared pork broils at local meat counter.

Nonetheless! I suspect the seasoning to be nothing more than Seasoning Salt! And so must conclude that I could have just as easily created the little gems myself. Thus, this is not entirely cheating.

I followed the directions from the previous pork cutlet recipe, sans mysterious corn-stuffing slop. Here is how it’s done:

Porkalicious Pork Broils

Ingredients

-Pork broils from local meat counter, preferably seasoned and wrapped in bacon. If these cannot be found, lovingly season and bacon-wrap them yourself.

-Cooking spray (preferably butter-flavored)

-Cooking wine (As in wine to drink while cooking. This is very important.)

-Music

How it’s done

1. Select music, playing it loudly enough to be heard over the sizzle of your stovetop. Pour cooking wine into a glass. Drink leisurely and boogie throughout meal preparation. This will increase the enjoyment of cooking or lessen the despair if said cooking results in epic frau failure.

2. Preheat oven to 350.

3. Sear both sides of broils in devilishly hot saucepan sprayed with butter-flavored cooking spray. Place them into the pan, relish the delicious sizzle, and flip as soon as the underside is a gorgeous golden-brown, about two minutes.

*note* DO NOT smush broils with spatula in attempt to get every square inch of them golden-brown. I have discovered that this results in the dry, tough pork of housewife horror stories.

*another note* DO NOT set the pan on the stove to heat and forget about it while trying to squeeze the last drop from your boxed wine. This will result in smoke, swearing, and a crust of burned cooking spray on your pan.

4. Slap browned broils into a sprayed glass baking dish. Admire them. Pork responds well to compliments.

5. Bake for approximately 45 minutes.

6. Present to Herr of Household and bask in praise and/or flattery. If executed perfectly, expect your Herr to call his mother to tell her about the most wonderful pork he’s ever tasted. Make small sounds of protest when he declares his intention to do this, but, of course, allow it.

And there you have it! I have realized that I am a genius of pork. I suspect I may be a genius when it comes to raising kitchen herbs as well…will report back.